Kori
1. October “So, why are you so hard on yourself, Kori? You’ve made progress since you’ve started seeing me, and you are well on your way to meeting your goals. This is cause for you to be proud, not to keep beating up on yourself.” Of course, Dr. Dupree would try to make what she thinks I’ve done a big deal. That’s her job as my therapist. She’s not experiencing things the same way that I am. “Dr. Dupree, let’s get real… getting an underpaying job as a Concierge at a Senior Living Community is not a reason to throw a party. This is a far cry from my norm and the life I previously had. Honestly, I’m sad and ashamed that this is what I have to take just to keep a roof over my head. I’m so damn exhausted.” I paused before releasing a deep sigh. “No, weary is more like it!” She was the only person I could be transparent with at this point. I was still having a tough time accepting my current situation and the decisions that led me here. “This just isn’t something I see as a win, but more of a necessity. You know there is a difference, right? Not that I’m ungrateful, I’m just not satisfied with the turn of events over the last twenty months.” And yes, I've counted every single day. This was supposed to be a quick phase that passed by so fast I shouldn’t have noticed that I was in a life slump. Instead, one thing just kept piling on top of the other, and here we are creeping up on two years. “Shit, if you wanna get even more real, these sessions with you will have to end , because I can no longer afford to keep seeing you.” “Let’s concentrate on what I’ve asked you. You keep trying to put the cart before the horse. And you've only been seeing me for a few months, but I have noticed a change." She looked me directly in the eye, giving off positive and confident energy that used to be like a second skin to me. I missed it. “Kori, are you using the journal? If you are consistent, it will help you remain present and keep things in perspective. We’ve already acknowledged this process would not be easy, but you promised to put in the work.” Dr. Dupree put her notepad down and laid her clasped hands on her lap. “Kori?” Oh, was she really waiting for a response? Just as I was about to answer her question, a soft chime sounded indicating the end of our session. Saved by the chime. “We can extend the session, I don’t have anyone else scheduled.” I believe she instinctively knew that I would decline her offer, just as I’ve done in past sessions. The look I gave her confirmed that wouldn’t be happening. “Ok, but I want to remind you of something before you go, Kori. Keep in mind that I am trained to discern certain nuances and in doing so, I notice that you need to see your role in your level of happiness and recognize that, while some people in your life may influence you negatively, blame is a destructive force and cannot be part of healthy choices. Marvin….” “Stop right there, Dr. Dupree. I asked you not to mention his name, and with that, I’m gonna go. But I heard you. Loud and clear. Have a great rest of the day, and I’ll see you next week.” She was pissing me off now. “I understand that it upsets you to talk about Marvin, Kori. Believe me, I am not trying to agitate you. Before you go, just do me one favor? I don’t want you leaving angry or out of sorts. We’re going to take a few minutes to perform a meditative exercise to help you channel your thoughts and have you begin to think about a positive future. Then you can go.” She was pleading with me with her eyes, so I decided to concede. At this point, what’s the worst that could happen? Dr. Dupree made sure I was comfortable before she started walking me through the steps of clearing my mind and relaxing my body. I’m not gonna lie, I felt the stress melt off my body almost immediately as I followed her prompts. The exercise wasn’t a magic fix, but it did help to ease my irritation from her bring up ‘he who shall not be named.’ Once we were done, I made my next appointment and prepared to leave her office. My purse and coat were hanging on the rack, and I could barely get both my arms in before I was walking out of the front door into the brisk, chilly day. My new job left an email while I was in my session for me to come and complete my new hire documentation and watch a few orientation videos. I glanced down at my outfit and decided that my navy blue, slightly dressy lounge outfit, leopard print pumps, and trench coat I was wearing would have to work for my unofficial first day. This day was not turning out as I wanted it to, but I was going to try my best to use the tools that Dr. Dupree had given me to ensure I wouldn’t go over the edge. The weather was unseasonably cold for early October, but I appreciated it. The ‘redefined retirement community’ where I’d be working was in the Cotswold section of Charlotte, about a thirty-minute car ride from my house in Highland Creek. Thinking about my house brought me a bit of happiness since that was one of the things I was able to hold on to while losing everything else in my life. Just that fast, I was sad again as one of my hands found its way to my now empty abdomen, wondering what could have been if things were different. Now was not the time for self-pity. I had a job to get to, and if it’s one thing that I’ll always carry no matter what, it’s my work ethic. As I pulled up, I put it in my mind that I would be the best damn former six-figure earner, former entrepreneur, former influencer, and current concierge that this company had ever seen. Period. Pre-sale for eBook now available for only $0.99! Get your copy!
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